I don't believe all that you said was yesterday,
I'll let you know, I'll let you know I feel the weight.
I Wish you were mine, wish you were mine
Wish you were mine, wish you were mine
And all that that goes with...

and Time brings me home,
Time brings me home.

Just say that you want me,

Pushing on through all i wanna do is get over you
Pushing on through all i wanna do is get over you
I wanna get laid, I wanna get played,
I wanna walk down the Hit Parade

Just say that you want me

and I don't believe all that you said was yesterday

I wish you were mine wish you were mine,
wish you were mine wish you were mine
and all that that goes with...

[	Current Mood	|	happy	]
[	Current Music	|	Anya Marina - "Move You"	]

i always miss my lj anniversary. well, in any case happy 4 years. i looked back at my very first lj entry and i sound like a little dumb girl. i guess alot of growing up and changes has happened. which is good, because if i didnt change a bit in the last 4 years then something must be wrong with me. really wrong.

i'm trying to think of something to say in this post because i usually have nothing, NOTHING to say since my life is pretty much dull these days. however, last night was not dull. last night was wonderful. last night was adventurous. last night should happen again and again. and it will. lets just say last night consisted of going to the beach, in the cold windy weather, wrapped in blankets, with 2 bottles of wine and some really stupid but memorable moments.

[	Current Mood	|	angry	]
[	Current Music	|	Unkle Bob - "Swans"	]

you are the biggest fucking asshole i have ever met. i'm not one to swear a lot, but sometimes there are times when swearing can only truly get what i am feeling across. seriously, you're an ass.  i don't understand why you can't even respond to me anymore. anything would be better than nothing at all. even a fuck you, i don't want to talk to you would be a million times better than saying shit all.

ugh.

go to hell.

[	Current Mood	|	sad	]
[	Current Music	|	Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind	]

once again, the people around me never cease to surprise me. and once again, i am left thinking if they are really worth it all. worth my attention. worth my words. worth my existence. i try to find a reason why i should keep on doing what i am doing, i try to find a cause to why i should stay by their side. but i always end up empty handed and kicking myself. because i know what the outcome is. i know it so well. but i do it anyways.

surprises. i have come to dislike them.

courtney. i have come to love you so much. you care, strangly enough. and i don't know why. but i love the fact that you do.

[	Current Mood	|	calm	]
[	Current Music	|	CocoRosie - "Lyla"	]

a relevation hit me today. a really, really big relevation. i want children. i want offspring. i always had this thought in my head that i wouldn't care of i had children. for a long time i assumed that in the future, if i didn't have children, i would be alright with that. but today on the skytrain, i saw a new born baby, really new, i'm guessing around 1 month old. i sat behind her and her mother. and i could not take my eyes off of the baby. i just couldn't. i sat there mesmorized by this little infant, so pure, innocent, clueless to the world around her. she had her eyes shut closed, with a blanket surronding her to keep her warm. i just sat and stared at this wonderful creation. and it hit me. i want children. i want to be able to bring a living organism into this world. no matter how harsh the world can be, no matter how insane it can get, if i do one thing worth living for in my lifetime, i want it to be the act of raising a child and teaching it wonderful things, and showing this child that the world has love to offer it. i realized that i have been incredibly selfish. raising a child is one of the most un-selfish things to do, and if there is one un-selfish act i want to do, i want it to be that. this baby infront of me completely changed my attitude towards children. it started to cry and her mother put a soother in her mouth, and she stopped. she just sucked on the soother, closed her eyes, and drifted off the sleep. and that just melted my heart. the little baby infront of me on the skytrain.

[	Current Mood	|	peaceful	]
[	Current Music	|	Band of Horses - "Funeral"	]

school is finally done. i can take a big breathe of relief now. well, to be honest, it is not offically done due to final exams and really un important stuff like that. in my mind, i am finished with school. this semester didnt turn out as great as i thought it would. it was mostly due to my pesstimism about it, and also to my lack of interest in the classes. BUT! i did make some new friends. some very interesting new friends. i am excited to see where these friendships lead to. i luvluvluv making new friends. and i love it even more getting to know them better. its kind of like a treasure map. you dont know what sort of treasure lies in each person.

first news update: i have finally got caller i.d. i can take another big breathe of relief. if you only knew how stressful it is to see that you have missed 3 calls and have no idea who in the world called you. seriously. it really is stressful. i've aged because of it. no joke.

im not sure what to do about my job at gourmet pita. i have been thinking about quitting for awhile now. i could use a different environment. a change of pace. but i have some good things going on at gp though. i get the hours i want. senority, which is pretty awesome. and i know how to do everything there. but. but. i think my time there is slowly coming to an end. the only thing is that i will have to get my lazy butt out there, in the big scary world, and talk to big, scary people to find a new job. ick. maybe it will be easier since the holiday season is here. maybe.

second new update: im getting a laptop soon. once i get it, i will be offically labeled "the university student". seriously, its like a must have if you are a university student. actually, it pretty much is a must have redgardless. lots and lots and lots and lots of people have l.t's today. its obsurd. 

final fantasy is coming back to vancouver!!! thank goodness. and this time i will buy my tickets in advanced and not wait until the week before the concert and go through denial, heartbreak and then beating myself up for waiting so long to get tickets! not this time! i so learned from my mistake.

[	Current Mood	|	cynical	]
[	Current Music	|	Coldplay - "We Never Change"	]

i hate school.
i hate school.
i hate school.
i hate school.
so much for being optimistic about it.

i tried. i really did! infact, it was going swell for some time now.
until...i looked at the essay topics for one of my english classes and realized that i cant bullshit my way through this essay like i usually do for most of my essays.
and that makes me sad because this means i will actually have to do a sufficent amount of work.
bloody hell.
the work intimidates me greatly. so, if you dont come across a journal entry in the next two weeks, even the next month, it will be due to the fact that i have either:
a) died of a school work overdose
b) formed a hovel in my backyard under the greenhouse
c) jumped on a plane leaving for some remote island in the wastelands of t.s.elliot's poem
OR
d) failed miserably at producing a decent paper and have gone into exile in greenland

this sucks.
minus this:
KIRAZ!
i have grown a fond friendship with KIRAZ!
please, see for yourself.